A VERY SECURE PLACE
During a recent White House press conference, Jim Acosta hollered from the press corps,
"Where is President Trump hiding his tax returns?"
Press Secretary Sarah Huckabee Sanders cooly responded, "We've found a very secure place and I'm certain they won't be found."
"And just where is that?" Acosta asked sarcastically.
Mrs. Sanders grinned and said, "They are underneath Obama's college records, his passport application, his immigration status as a student, his funding sources to pay for college, his college records, and his Selective Service registration… Next question?"
HALF-FULL REPORT 01/12/18
Well, well – looks like the POTUS really stepped in it according to the WaPo yesterday (1/11).
Funny how TIME’s cover earlier this week depicts Trump’s hair on fire, when it’s his libtard critics’ hair constantly on fire with his every utterance. Funny in spades how the TIME libtards thought they were ridiculing him with their caricature, when immediately Trump fans memed it into something totally cool:
So if I were in the Oval Office right now, I’d suggest he respond thusly:
“OK, not the best choice of words. Obviously my description of certain countries was inaccurate since my critics deem them wonderful places. So wonderful that, in redemption for my description, I am going to make my critics in the Fake News Media an offer too tempting to refuse.Now for a deep dive into what this is really all about.
I am going to offer them a Citizen Swap. For every one of my Fake News critics who renounces his or her citizenship in the US, moves to, lives in, and becomes a citizen of one of these wonderful countries such as Haiti or in Africa, I will take one of the best-qualified citizens of these countries and confer US citizenship upon them. Even-steven.
My Citizen Swap program is a complete win-win. My critics get to stop living in the country they hate and despise, to live in a country they admire far more – in exchange for one of that country’s people coming here. Admittedly, it is mysterious why my critics think anyone would want to leave their wonderful country, to prefer living in the America my critics believe to be so racist and evil.
I am happy to offer a Citizen Swap to any of my critics – Fake Newsers, Social Justice Warriors, those in Black Lives Matter and Antifa, those in academia with special consideration for Ivy League professors, judges on the Ninth Circuit, Rosie O’Donnell of course, virtually everyone in Hollywood and every late night show host, plus all Democrats in the House and Senate.
The only condition for them to make a Citizen Swap is that it’s irreversible. Once they stop being an American citizen and leave the country, they can’t come back. Ever. But why would they want to return to the country they hate anyway, when they’ll be so much happier in Haiti?
So again, my Citizen Swap is a win-win – a win for those who hate America and now get to leave, and most certainly a win for America who will be infinitely better off without them.”
I AIN’T GOT NOBODY
Now – doesn’t that make you feel better? Especially when you consider that’s the Democrats’ and the Fascist Media’s theme song for 2020?
What more evidence do you need that they ain’t got nobody with their current straw-grasping frenzy over the Queen of Hollywood’s Cesspool of Hypocrisy, Oprah Winfrey?
On Sunday evening (1/07), she got an award from the foreign press – as if anyone cares about them – in a meaningless ceremony called the “Golden Globes” – as if anyone outside of Hollywood has ever heard of it.
The attendees wore black to be in “solidarity” with women harassed by Hollywood moguls – although not one of the ladies who’ve gone pubic over their harassment was invited, or even mentioned by name by any of the awardees, including Oprah.
Instead, in her hailed-to-the-moon “presidential” acceptance speech, Oprah dredged up an ancient white-men-rape-black-woman story from 1944 in Alabama (neglecting to say that was in the Yellow Dog Democrat South) to condemn the Hollywood harassers of today she was too cowardly to name
DEMS BEING SCHOOLED ON DACA IN THE ART OF THE DEAL
The VSG – Very Stable Genius – at work
If you watched the opening of DACA negotiations Tuesday (1/09), you saw a master negotiator play a strong hand flawlessly.
Playing the role of an even-handed moderator earnestly seeking a deal, the president dominated the room. Breitbart was impressed. So were normally very critical MSM journalists.
Not bad for a senile moron who spends 17 hours a day watching the Gorilla Channel. Just by permitting the session to be covered by the news media, Trump slew the leftist narratives arising from Michael Wolff’s hilarious book and Yale Psychiatry Prof. Bandy Lee’s preposterous long distance diagnosis.
“Brilliant move by POTUS,” said Martha McCallum of Fox News. “In the middle of the Wolf onslaught he allows live coverage of him working the table with Dems/GOP on immigration. Thoughtful, policy proficient, and determined to get a deal.”
The president has framed the debate so that if there is a deal, he wins. If there isn’t, Democrats lose.
THE HOUSE CHAIRMEN’S PLAN FOR IMMIGRATION REFORM
For far too long, America’s immigration system has been in shambles. The borders are not secure and laws are seldom enforced.
This dysfunction allows drug smugglers to creep into the U.S. and exacerbate the opioid epidemic. It provides human traffickers the opportunity to exploit forced labor for profit, invites transnational gangs like MS-13 to inflict violence on American neighborhoods, and offers terrorists a way into the country.
In a time when America’s enemies are seeking new ways to strike the homeland, a failed immigration system is unacceptable. Today (1/11), we will introduce legislation in the House to strengthen the border and enhance interior enforcements, making America more secure.
A priority of our legislation is to increase the security of the southern border. Our bill would provide $30 billion to build a wall, to invest in new technology, and to improve, modernize and expand ports of entry. Here’s what else our bill does.
WHO ARE YOU GOING TO BELIEVE — MICHAEL WOLFF OR YOUR OWN EYES?
I read as much of Michael Wolff’s "Fire and Fury" as my stomach lining could stand, and then I watched Donald Trump’s last rally of the 2016 presidential election. Groucho Marx’s old line came to mind — “Who are you going to believe; me, or your own eyes?”
He spoke in Michigan, a swing state where Hillary Clinton didn’t bother to campaign, and he hammered on the issues that decided the vote: more jobs, no Obamacare, Washington corruption. Trump was focused, confident, and ruthless.
“Hillary Clinton is the most corrupt person ever to seek the office of the Presidency of the United States…. We are finally going to close the history books on the Clintons, and their lies, schemes and corruption…. My contract with the American voter begins with a plan to end government corruption and to take our country back from the special interests…. We’re going to win today and we’re going to Washington D.C. to drain the swamp.”
The crowd of 18,000 chanted “Drain the swamp!” back at him.
That’s the man who neither expected nor wanted to win, according to Wolff. There stood Donald Trump on the day before the election, declaring that he would win, in the middle of the state whose votes would make him win, talking about the issues on which he would win.
TRUMP AND ROCKY BALBOA
Mos
t Millennials are too young to be intimately familiar with the Rocky films. The original was released in 1976 and was a huge hit, making unknown actor Sylvester Stallone an instant superstar.
Rocky Balboa, a nobody fighter gets a chance at boxing stardom by fighting the world heavyweight champion, Apollo Creed. The fight is a P.R. stunt. Creed needs an appeal-to-the-people fight, "a novelty." He decides to give "a local underdog" fighter an opportunity. "A snow-white underdog. Very American!"
Donald Trump is the Rocky of our current political framework. Once he announced, the late-night comics had a field day mocking the man and his candidacy. Political elites assumed that the run was a publicity stunt.
There is a scene in Rocky in which a newswoman is interviewing Rocky at a meat locker, where Rocky's friend is employed and lets him train by hitting huge sides of beef.
Back at Apollo Creed's fancy office, no one is paying attention to the television newscast except one of Creed's trainers. He alone sees something in Rocky – a talent and a determination no one else has yet observed. No one listens to the trainer when he tells his boss, "This boy means business." And to the Left’s dismay, so did Donald Trump.
PELOSI REACTS TO THE REPUBLICAN TAX CUT
In those ubiquitous YouTube videos riffing on that famous scene from “Downfall,” Hitler flies off the handle when he learns that all is lost, so by now there’s a cottage industry of adapting that scene to the every perceived political “downfall.”
I happened to obtain a transcript of another delusional leader, Nancy Pelosi, after she had a similar reaction upon learning that the Republican tax bill was passed into law.
THE SCENE. Nancy Pelosi is seated at a desk in a crowded windowless room. Standing directly in front of Pelosi is House Democrat Whip Steny Hoyer and Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. The rest of the group consists of deeply concerned Senators and Representatives.
Schumer places a large poster on her desk. It’s a list of the GOP tax bill highlights.
LIFE IS GOOD
I am a senior; I have everything that I wanted as a teenager, only 60 years later.
I don’t have to go to school or work.
I get an allowance every month.
I have my own pad.
I don’t have a curfew.
I have a driver’s license and my own car.
I have ID that gets me into bars and the liquor store.
The people I hang around with are not scared of getting pregnant, and I don’t have acne.
Life is great! I have more friends I should send this to, but right now I can't remember their names.
HALF-FULL REPORT 01/05/18
The storm is not yet upon us, though the Inspector General's release date approaches.
Meanwhile we have Iran blowing up, Yemen blowing up, Steve Bannon blowing up, Rocket Man hit by a tactical nuke of mockery, your computer's security blown up, Miko recovering from a medical procedure (send him some good wishes in the Forum) and my stomach blowing up with some form of food poisoning.
It may not be the Earth-Shattering KA-BOOM we're all waiting for, but for now, it'll have to do.
Because I'm writing this with ongoing food poisoning, I'm going to narrow my focus and cover the most important topics as I see them:
- Bannon Blowed Up Real Good
- The Storm
- Shhh, Iran is Having Massive Protests
- Messin' With Fatty III
- Ye Men in Yemen
- Computer Security: Intel and the 21st Century Horse Stirrup
- Smack Down