"We will never tire of standing up courageously for the merciless slaughter of human babies so they can be dissected and sold to university researchers for revolting experimentation, er... we mean, 'reproductive healthcare,'" said Pelosi to reporters. "We're courageously standing up for reproductive healthcare and bodily autonomy and euphemisms. Yeah. No further questions, please."
Washington insiders say onlookers were dazzled by the waddling gaggle of women dressed in glittering white slaughterhouse frocks, which as of yet had no spatters of blood on them. "Wow!" said one Capitol intern. "Look at all the feminists! I feel empowered!"
The herd of hunched-over, white-clad crones then danced and shimmied around a large boiling cauldron, waved sharp metal cleavers in the air, and screeched a sacred feminine moon chant to appease Molech before shuffling awkwardly into the Capitol like a flock of broken ducks.
At publishing time, Pelosi had confirmed to reporters that the red stain on her frock was just red wine.
Ukrainians call Putin a huilo. In England, the term is bellend. The townspeople of Rowley Regis in the West Midlands went one step further. Every year they give The Bellend of the Year Award to the biggest jerk, schmuck, putz, or d-head they can think of.
This year they made a Putin effigy as a bellend, and nearby, free eggs to throw at it. You can read about it here. One resident said, “There was one person who has universally been a bellend this year – and that’s Vladimir Putin," adding "You could just throw eggs at the statue, which people did so willingly and quite happily."
WASHINGTON, DC — The White House was lit up with the colors of a fanatical cult this week, officially signaling the Biden Administration's establishment of a new state-sponsored religion: Same-Sex and Tranny Worship. The move has received both widespread applause and serious concerns about the First Amendment implications.
Mainstream media sources hailed the move as a significant victory in the crusade for inclusivity and acceptance of all people, except for anyone who disagrees, in which case dissidents should be removed from society. Critics, however, questioned whether the adoption of an official national religion violates the First Amendment.
"Establishing a religion in no way violates the Constitution's mandate that the government not establish a religion," said White House Press Secretary Karine Jean-Pierre. "Any questions regarding this issue will be considered bigoted, racist, and other horrible things I can't think of right now."
At publishing time, the Biden administration was believed to be in discussions to require all churches in the country to follow suit and be lit up with the same colors in a show of solidarity with the new State Religion. Babylon Bee reporting.
A Czech activist group is auctioning a sculpture of Russian President Vladimir Putin sitting naked on a golden toilet — with proceeds from the sale set to go toward buying a combat drone for Ukraine.
Although the effigy is named “Naked Killer,” everyone in Prague has nicknamed it – given President George Bush calling Putin “Pooty-Poot” – Potty-Poot. It’s the brainchild of Otakar van Gemund, founder of the Kaputin! movement in Prague, and is designed by Czech artist Barbora Zichová. Bids start at €10,000 with the auction closing on December 20. The winner will be the proud owner of the effigy, and have a combat drone named in his honor used to eliminate a group of Potty-Poot’s cannon fodder.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work? ABBOTT: No, that's 23%.
COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%. ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work. ABBOTT: No, that's 23%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 23% unemployed. ABBOTT: No, that's 5.6%.
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%? ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work.
COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed. ABBOTT: No, Biden said you can't count the "Out of Work" as the unemployed.
You have to look for work to be unemployed.
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!! ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.
COSTELLO: What point? ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair.
COSTELLO: To whom? ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work. ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work. Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed.
COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would count as less unemployment? ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't look for work? ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how it gets to 5.6%. Otherwise it would be 23%.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job? ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop looking for a job? ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down, and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for work. ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a Democrat.
COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said! ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Biden.
This Monty Python skit is over 40 years old – 40 years ahead of its time and funnier than ever today
Celebrating American patriotism is a tradition in small towns all across our country on Flag Day, June 14. This is the opportunity for all of us to wave Old Glory to show our love for America. Here are four photo examples:
Bruce Willis provides the perfect rebuttal when the race card is played by Samuel L. Jackson in Die Hard 3.
On this Memorial Day of 2022, we need a President Reagan more than ever.