Chapter Twenty-Six: CLEANSING THE TEMPLE
The Jade Steps Chapter Twenty-Six: Cleansing The Temple Much of the royal household was transferred to the Palace of Axayacatl. Montezuma's chefs set up the royal kitchens, attendants the royal baths, servants the royal wardrobe, so that he was fed, bathed, and clothed as before. Suitable quarters were arranged for his wives and concubines, which he frequently visited. His retinue of courtiers and counselors was with him throughout the day. Petitioners and ambassadors from various parts of the empire came to plea with him or present him with tribute. All seemed normal - with one difference. The only guards, of which there were many, were Spanish. There wasn't a jaguar warrior in sight. Yet to everyone who came to him with concern, to ask about his obvious imprisonment, Montezuma assured them he was happy and under no restraint. He told them not to disturb themselves or the city, and commanded them not to be distressed, for his "visit" with the strangers was the will of Huitzilopochtli.
THE WORLD BOGRAKAB CUP
For at least a quarter-century now, I've been hearing the same mantra from soccer enthusiasts: "Every little kid in America plays soccer. When they grow up, soccer will be more popular than football or baseball." This hasn't happened and never will happen. Kids love to run around and kick a ball. Watching grown-ups do it has all the drama of watching paint dry. A majority of Americans will not pay much attention to the World Cup this month while the rest of the world goes bananas about it because "soccer" should really be named "bograkab" - bunch-of-guys-running-around-kicking-a-ball. Here's a synopsis of most every period of most every professional soccer game ever played: Run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball - never score. Run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball, run around kick a ball - never score. It doesn't get more exciting in sports than this. Except for curling. So - now that I have all soccer fans totally enraged (something that's very easy to do, by the way), let's talk for real about why soccer will never be a competitor to football or baseball or basketball for the hearts of American sports fans.
BACK IN ‘NAM
One of the first things George W. Bush did as his presidency was getting off the ground in 2001was to sign a bilateral trade agreement with Vietnam. Since then, trade between the US and Vietnam has grown 400% to $7.8 billion last year. Last week, the US and Vietnam signed an agreement that paves the way for Vietnam to join the WTO, the World Trade Organization. And yesterday, Monday, June 5, Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld was in Hanoi meeting Vietnam's Defense Minister Pham Van Tra and Prime Minister Phan Van Khai. Noting that a US Navy ship will soon be visiting a Vietnamese port for the fourth time in four years, a reporter asked Rummy if the US was seeking basing rights in Vietnam. "We have no plans for access to military facilities in Vietnam," was Rummy's reply. When diplomacy requires it, Rumsfeld can lie with the best of them.
REPUBLICANS’ LUCK: DEMOCRATS DUMBER THAN THEY ARE
Just when you think Republicans couldn't be dumber - passing the Senate Shamnesty bill, House Speaker Denny Hastert demanding Congress be above the law and letting Democrat crook William Jefferson off the hook, on and on - the Democrats up the stupidity ante. Starting to panic that Her Royal Sowness, Queen Hillary, just might be presidentially unelectable, they dump the PIAPS and go, hearts-a-flutter, for Mr. Hairshirt, Algore. Too dumb to grasp that Americans on the whole refuse to scared by "end of civilization" global warming doomsaying, the entire left-wing political/media machine is cranked up for Hairshirt Al. To top this, the most powerful outfit driving the Dems into left-wing fever swamps, MoveOn, is promoting its "Big Ideas" with its members holding "house parties" all over the country. The goal is come up with "three big positive ideas" for Dems to campaign on in November. Several thousand MoveOn folks were asked last week to choose among the "top ten." And what might be the top ten best ideas for America the left can come up with? Here they are, appropriately translated:
GAZA IS DARWIN CITY
You've heard of the Darwin Awards, right? They're awarded to idiots who kill themselves doing something astoundingly dumb, thereby contributing to human evolution by removing themselves from the gene pool. Awardees are individuals, but I am nominating an entire inhabited region of the world: Palestinian Gaza. Gaza should, in fact, be re-named Darwin City. Consider this news bulletin from Gulf Daily News of Bahrain, dated May 27, 2006:
GAZA CITY: Four Palestinians were killed in northern Gaza yesterday as Israel fired dozens of artillery shells into the territory. Three men died and five other were wounded in a house when a family member brought in and accidentally set off an unexploded Israeli shell that landed near the area, Palestinian security sources said.
OILY LIES OF THE LEFT
With oil prices reaching record levels, the left is up to its old tricks, blaming the President and calling for lots of expensive big government "solutions". As part of this push, they argue that we're running out of oil. But clearly, this argument is not new -- and it's dead wrong. Truth be told, the world's estimated oil reserves grew from 60 billion barrels in 1920 to 600 billion by 1950, 2,000 billion by 1990, and 3,000 billion by the year 2000. And in the next few years, they'll keep rising. Here's why.
AHMADINUTJOB
The Mahmoud Ahmadinejad interview in Der Spiegel has its moments, to be sure, but overall it's about what you would expect. He's an uncultured fanatic who will never admit error but simply reassert his lies. We should transliterate his name from Farsi as Ahmadinutjob. (Thanks to Ariel Cohen of the Heritage Foundation for this suggestion.) He's not at all interested in what we call "the pursuit of the truth," so there is no real interview or dialogue (the crowd calling for negotiations with this regime ought to study this text, because if they do it seriously they will realize that you cannot negotiate with these people). He constantly projects Iranian political culture onto the rest of the world, which is what you would expect from an uncultured ideologue. And it's astonishing to watch the Spiegel interviewer fall into one rhetorical trap after another. In many ways, the interview is noteworthy for its exposure of the fecklessness of a German interviewer facing an Iranian bully.
HOW TO FAX FROM YOUR PC
You call your attorney to ask her to review a contract, and she says, "Sure. Fax it over." "But it's a Microsoft Word document," you say. "Can't I just e-mail it to you? I don't have a fax machine." No, she prefers fax. Or, she says, if you'd rather, you can drop it in the mailbox or drive it over. Grrr!
But wait! You probably do have a fax machine and don't even realize it. It's right in your PC. You may have forgotten this if you've moved to broadband, but most computers still ship with fax modems. And Microsoft Windows XP includes fax software, although you may not have realized that either, since it's not part of the default installation. Fortunately, installing it is pretty painless.
Here's how to enable fax services.
THE FRAUD OF THE ANTI-WAR LEFT
Jesse Macbeth, a self-styled "special forces ranger," regaled moonbat audiences with tales of the atrocities he committed in Iraq:
"Fallujah is where we slaughtered people in mosques," he said. "We would dig holes and leave mass graves of children, women and old men."
Unfortunately for Mr. Macbeth, he made a video which was seen by actual veterans. In it, he is wearing his beret improperly ("like a pastry chef," said an Army spokesman). He's wearing a Ranger beret, but it has a Special Forces flash. The sleeves on his BDU jacket are rolled up the way the Marines do it; not the Army.
And there is no such thing as a "special forces ranger." The "Green Beret" Special Forces and the Rangers are two distinct Army units.
In short, Mr. Macbeth was a fraud so obvious even the moonbats should have seen through him, but they didn't because they wanted so badly to believe the terrible things he was saying about U.S. forces in Iraq.SHRINKING SERBIA
In the summer of 1982, I was invited to participate in a Guinness Festival, along with a number of other Guinness World Record holders, held in Austria's Lake District.
At the welcoming reception, we all went around to each other to introduce ourselves and ask, "What are you in the book for?"
There was a fellow with the most consecutive situps: over 27,000. Another with the most consecutive one-armed pushups: over 600. A lady with the most consecutive hours belly-dancing. A rotund guy with the most consecutive hours treading water.
And yes, it was cool for me to answer: Sky-diving on the North Pole, the world's most northerly parachute jump (April 15, 1981, 90º North Latitude). "A record that cannot be bettered," as one Guinness edition said.
I had brought my rig, as the Guinness folks wanted me to do a demo jump. They got a small plane with a door removed and we flew as high as it could go, almost 18,000 feet. When I exited, I was overwhelmed by the sight below.