WEAPONS WE WISH WE HAD THAT WE DON’T – BROWN NOTE
One might say that there is a special place in the souls of men for “super weapons.”
Often novel, thought of by someone other than an engineer, chemist, or other scientist, and either made of or powered by the elusive element “Unobtainium”, it is these items that make us enjoy Saturday afternoons at the theater and fuel revenge fantasies involving our ex-paramours or the people holding up the checkout line or ahead of us in traffic.
Of course, some of them are decidedly grim—such as the Death Star’s super laser or The Flying Guillotine. Then there are the others… such as “Brown Note.”
This elusive device, rumored to exist somewhere yet repeatedly debunked by various scientists and reporters (which further confirms it’s real, of course) has plopped—er, popped, in and out of the public discourse for several years now. Recently, it got a tremendous Charmin-squeeze thanks to the Internet doing what it always does best; promoting half truths and conspiracy theories.
It takes the three-year old’s nightmare (or at least, the nightmare of the parent of the three-year-old) and extends it across all domains of the battlespace to leverage asymmetric victory in conflicts ranging from all-out war to the West’s current favorite— “high intensity peace”.
It is supposed to make people go to the bathroom when it is pointed/directed at them, if, conveniently, you can hit just the right frequency. It is supposed to use sound waves to induce a distant human target to lose control of their bowels amidst whatever they are doing— “peacefully protesting”, showcasing terrible fashion, or proving that no number of sidewalks can cure people from walking in the street.
But maybe this system can fix all of the above. Here is one of the better articles I have found on the subject.
On the one hand, there have been legions of myth-busters and experimenters trying to duplicate fantastic reports of a band, or someone, hitting a certain sound-note in the presence of a crowd that resulted in a veritable tidal wave of incontinence—which has nothing to do with geography. At least officially, it hasn’t bed-panned out.
But on the other hand, in the tradition of the Warp Drive, the EM Thruster, and anti-gravity, we went hoping and hunting—and with some pre-scientific enthusiasm not supported by testing, came away with a conviction we won’t put money on that one of these things can be built and fired at liberals.
The Journal of Physical Therapy Science released a South Korean study stating that, “stimulation with low-frequency current of the sacral dermatomes may offer therapeutic benefits for a subject of patients with idiopathic slow transit constipation.”
The testing involved three sessions of electrostimulation for six weeks, in part, and was, unlike my idea, intending to help the individuals. An alternative report from Lithuania (a great place to have a black site with a secret development lab) on the other hand would seem to confirm that the hazards of infrasound are anything but a myth. It seems that this sound under 120 decibels can cause fatigue and sea sickness. And, consider this excerpt, with my observations in parenthesis:
“Animals feel the manifestations of infrasound in advance, approximately 10-15 hours before the storm. It is possible to judge about this from the following observation of scientists: jelly-fish hurries to hide deeper (liberals = jellyfish); dolphins sail behind the rocks (favorite liberal animal); whales put out to the open sea (ditto); penguins lie down on the snow, flattened to the earth. (Sounds like a lot of liberal protestors. The Chinese would recognize this “lying flat” as a sign of giving up, also.)
According to Wikipedia (never wrong), infrasound can travel hundreds of miles. So, it might even be possible to transmit it from a location like Mar-El-Lago and hit another location, such as Portland. In the true tradition of the superweapon, though, the mechanism might be huge (Yuge); perhaps even the size of a wind turbine.
What if you were able to focus this sound and increase it through a power source, such as a small nuclear reactor? And then resonate it to the specific sub-frequency that would affect inner organs?
It occurs to us that a device like this would, possibly, be easily assembled from common parts; particularly in this age of crunk music and the strange thoom…thoom… thoom that fills high school parking lots and neighborhoods with the very soundtrack of “vibrant diversity”, sending homeowners and their association presidents up the wall and calling the police.
If this is possible, it is certain the expertise exists to build it. The problem is, the people who might be best at it per the above example might be liberals. So, we need to get with it. This is like Sputnik, perhaps.
It is also a fact that the U.S. Army, for one, has a working active denial system that is designed to disperse crowds (although, with a different method) and it is currently in service. There are also other sonic weapons, such as the LRAD, available. This would seem to be based on some of the same principles.
As for the possible enormous size of the machinery, I say that for a nation that can launch space shuttles and will field seventy-ton tanks that get three miles per gallon and need hose farms, size is no excuse. We have old battleships sitting around right now that aren’t carrying anything anywhere, for crying out loud. Replace one or more 16-inch turrets with a “Brown Option”.
The Brown Option could change our country, if handled properly (admit nothing, deny everything, make counter-accusations). A legion of Democrats on stage would suddenly wobble around and go on tip-toes. And the cast-off Joe Biden, if he was there, would smirk, knowing that he was the only one with a diaper on, and prepared.
Imagine hitting every country around Israel, but not Israel. Precision targeting could make calculated people at the CCP meetings in China or North Korea lose face, the Democrat National Convention preparations would be like preparing for a colonoscopy, and enraged BLM and Antifa types would sputter that they wouldn’t be able to throw it on people if they couldn’t collect it predictably.
They would be inspired to visit the restroom more often, certainly—and they might by default take more showers and brush their teeth more as well. The new Republican Party slogan? “Those that are full of it will pay for it”, or “Don’t be full of it — Make America Great Again!”
Let’s make this happen.
Mark Deuce has had a life-long career in community law enforcement. He is the author of Deuces Wild for TTP.