HOW 9 POLITICIANS ARE CELEBRATING THIS 4TH OF JULY
It’s birthday time once again for the greatest nation on earth: America. Everybody likes to celebrate ‘Murica a little differently – here are how nine famous politicians are planning to mark the 4th of July this year:
- Chuck Schumer: Murdering 26 people with undercooked beef. Tradition is tradition.
- AOC: Weeping outside of Alligator Alcatraz: Heroic.
- Ron DeSantis: Turning loose highly trained alligators armed with lasers to hunt down anyone who comes near Alligator Alcatraz: Uh-oh.
- JD Vance: Killing off a rival world leader: U-S-A! U-S-A!
- Joe Biden: Hanging Christmas decorations: Aw, Joe.
- Thomas Massie: Going to some super-secret meeting Trump invited him to in a CIA detention cell: Have fun, Tom.
- JB Pritzker: Hot dog eating contest: Followed by a burger eating contest, lamb shank eating contest, entire baby pig eating contest, pie eating contest, and tub of Crisco eating contest.
- Zohran Mamdani: Dumping Jews into the harbor: A true patriot.
- President Trump: Carving his own face into Mount Rushmore while riding a bald eagle: Glorious!
Our great and wise leaders are doing it right this Independence Day.
~ Babylon Bee reporting