THE CRUISE INTO EXILE
Carnival Cruise Line announces a once in a life time opportunity: THE CRUISE INTO EXILE
Aboard our magnificent 3,646 passenger liner the Carnival Dream. Travel with a star-studded group of celebrities as they leave our shores for the last time.
In response to the many citizens who vowed to leave the country if Donald Trump were to be elected President, Carnival Cruise lines is providing a unique opportunity to fulfill that pledge in style.
Passengers will have the opportunity to rub elbows with and be entertained by dozens of famous celebrities and performers who are also going into political exile.
Premier Class travelers will be invited to dine at the Captain’s table with honorary captains Jon Stewart and Whoopi Goldberg. Non-denominational religious service will be conducted daily by the Very Reverend Al Sharpton in the Paradise Lounge. Superstars Cher, Barbra Streisand and Miley Cyrus will perform nightly in the main lounge.
Amy Schumer and Rosie O’Donnell will do stand-up comedy in the Sky Bar. Other featured guests will include Spike Lee, Bryan Cranston, Amber Rose, Samuel L. Jackson, Stephen King, Barry Diller and many, many others… among them, special guest attraction Associate Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg.
So reserve your cabin now, as space is limited.
Call 1-800-FLEE, that’s 1-800-3533
Disclosure and disclaimer: Carnival Cruise line is not responsible for the number of celebrities referred to above who actually join the cruise.
Customers should be aware that, based on the past experience, a significant number of these celebrities will be no-shows. However, it is also possible that the celebrity guest list may be augmented by some late additions.
Carnival Cruise is in discussions with Attorney General Loretta Lynch, FBI Director James Comey, IRS Commissioner Koskinen and, Veterans Administration head Robert McDonald along with several Cabinet members and federal officials.
Reverend Sharpton’s attendance is conditional upon finding someone to pay for his ticket and negotiating satisfactory fees for performing religious services.
Prospective passengers should also be aware of the fact that several celebrities have indicated they aren’t going if Rosie O’Donnell is. Barbra Streisand has indicated that she will not attend unless her stateroom is bigger than Cher’s, which could be a problem. Cher requires better accommodations than Miley Cyrus, and a separate stateroom for her two Shih Tzus.
Messrs. Jackson, Sharpton, Lee and Ms. Goldberg have joined together to insist that any armed security personnel on board should be restricted to the Caucasian decks only. This requirement could be problematic because there are, at this time, no Caucasian decks on Carnival ships.
Carnival Cruise Line cannot guarantee that any of these negotiations will be successfully concluded. Passengers are also advised that in the event of significant cancellations, Carnival Cruise Lines reserves the right to substitute a smaller vessel for the Carnival Dream, down to and including the Carnival Imperial Inflatable, our luxury 20 passenger Zodiac.
The itinerary for our star-studded cruise is not as yet finalized. We will most probably begin our voyage in Los Angeles because so many of our guests reside in that area; and New York City is an obvious port of call to pick up many additional guests before leaving US territorial waters for good.
Beyond that, Justice Ginsburg wants to be dropped off in New Zealand. Amy Schumer wants to go to Spain. Samuel L. Jackson says he is “moving my black ass to South Africa”, Jon Stewart expects to end up “on another planet”, as yet unspecified. A stop in Canada has been requested by a number of our celebrities.