KATIE HOBBS PROJECTED TO WIN ARIZONA GOVERNORS RACE WITH 108% OF PRECINCTS REPORTING

Katie Hobbs, advocate of the Josef Dzhugashvilli Voting System

Babylon Bee News Bulletin — PHOENIX, AZ — In a stunning outcome to a highly scrutinized race, Katie Hobbs, Arizona’s Secretary of State who counts the votes, has emerged victorious after 108% of the state’s voting precincts reported in. Though mathematicians were puzzled by the plausibility — and, indeed, possibility — of the results, Democrats were quick to hail Hobbs’s win as a victory for democracy itself.

“We knew things looked really bad for weeks leading up to election night, what with abysmal approval ratings for our party, Americans feeling negatively about the overall direction of the country, and Ms. Hobbs being afraid to debate her opponent or even appear in public,” said Hobbs’s campaign spokesperson Hailey Barber-Berger-Jorgensen. “But we felt very confident that once we got our vote tallies from all 108% of precincts, including those in other states and overseas, we would come out victorious.”

Republicans were quick to point out that it’s not actually possible to have more votes than voters. Democrats roundly condemned them for denying an election that was 8% more democratic than the last election.

At publishing time, Arizona election officials had notified all voting precincts that their tallies would not be needed and it was time to install even more drop-boxes for the 2024 election.