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  1. groomerDo you talk about sex with 5-year-olds behind their parents’ back?
  2. Do you begin sentences with, “Don’t tell your parents, but…”
  3. Do you encourage kids to cut off their sex organs?
  4. Are you a Disney Executive?
  5. Did you quit your teaching job after they passed the Parental Rights Act in Florida?
  6. Does taking other people’s kids to a drag show and calling it a “field trip” seem ok to you?
  7. Are you now, or have you ever been, a politician?
  8. Have you ever helped a child acquire sex hormones without their parent’s knowledge?
  9. Does David French think you’re a “blessing of liberty”?


Tally up your number of “Yes” answers and consult this chart:

1-2: Oh no! You’re a groomer!

3-4: Wow. Definitely a groomer.

5-6: Yep, still groomer.

7-8: There’s a Law & Order SVU episode with your name on it.

9: Ok, we’re calling the police.